The boyfriend basher

Or 'Ex-boyfriend' I should say

I've been suffering a somewhat 'ho-hum' season of half hearted post ideas which never made it to this page...It's been painful letting them go, but isn't that what you're supposed to do to the ones you love? Most of the things I gave up writing halfway ranged from My day at the mall (How original, toot toot), to countless rants which only ended up making me feel worse than before, and a bunch of other personal stuff that I swore I'd never reveal (How d'you like that now?)...

So when a friend of mine (Jemima) posted a bitter sweet poem about breaking up with her boyfriend and how she could never live without him...how he made her want to weep...how he reminded her of any and everything she set her eyes upon...how the janitor somehow bears more and more resemblance to him each day (just KIDDING), I knew what I wanted to write about.

I knew what i wanted to be


The Boyfriend Basher.

I wish there was just such a thing
a perfect Edward who could sing
but they are all like unicorns
except I gave them broken horns

Try not to hold it against yourself
put him aside and on a shelf
and only take him down when
you're strong and on your feet again

Funny how things appear in love
a dead crow looks more like a dove
you magically filter through his words
and swallow up all of his turds

But when the magic disappears
and opens up to show your fears
to think that finding him was luck
makes you want to say darn it

So when you're so disgusted of
the way you were so blindly in love
and thinking of him makes you sick
chocolate always does the trick

But besides that so does revenge
for your heart you must defend
by acting like a crazy brat
and sneaking in beheaded rats

into his bag but it's just the start
i mean come on, this is your heart
we're talking bout so get your boots
and give his little ass a toot

And when you're done and so is he
pick him back up and kiss his cheek
then tell him where he can find the door
and please don't bother you no more