I'm sitting in the cafeteria.
Alone.
And my back is burning, literally burning from the looks I'm getting...that itchy, hot feeling when someone stares down your shoulder. All of a sudden my neck is too naked, too sweaty, everything is dripping down my collar. I'm not sitting right, or right enough. My hair looks like a frigging mess, but I can't fix that. Not now. Not when everyone's looking my way.
Then when I turn around, nothing. Nothing. Fuck. No. Nada. Nope. It's just me again.
It sucks. Being alone sucks. But I need this, because if I don't do this now, learn how to be alone again, then how will I remain standing the next time another wave crashes? I don't want to be alone...nobody wants to be alone...but sometimes we are, and we suffer for it.
Heres a post from another blogger:
But life doesn't work like that...and so I sat in my chair crying my eyes out with snot dripping down my chin because I didn't think that I could go on if people kept going their own way and leaving me by myself. WHAT ABOUT ME?! What will I be reduced to if this keeps happening??
It's taking time to build myself up again - everyone has to do this once or twice in their life. But I know I won't be the same person when I'm done. I know beggars can't pick and choose and all, but I'm going to be a stronger person out of this all, Yep even if it kills me. Tee hee.
People aren't boxes you can label. I'm not going to make the same mistake by restricting who I am by defining myself.
And my back is burning, literally burning from the looks I'm getting...that itchy, hot feeling when someone stares down your shoulder. All of a sudden my neck is too naked, too sweaty, everything is dripping down my collar. I'm not sitting right, or right enough. My hair looks like a frigging mess, but I can't fix that. Not now. Not when everyone's looking my way.
Then when I turn around, nothing. Nothing. Fuck. No. Nada. Nope. It's just me again.
It sucks. Being alone sucks. But I need this, because if I don't do this now, learn how to be alone again, then how will I remain standing the next time another wave crashes? I don't want to be alone...nobody wants to be alone...but sometimes we are, and we suffer for it.
Heres a post from another blogger:
The fact is, that sometimes people do leave you. People change and grow up and fucking leave you (Yes, I do have issues here) And If I could, I'd grab everyone I love and haul them on my shoulders, carry them on my back the entire fucking journey just so they wouldn't have to. Just so they'd be with me every second of the way.As a child, I couldn’t imagine that anything existed apart from my presence, and this resulted in the happy thought that the entire universe was but a product of my imagination. Only later did there settle upon me the horrifying realization that this could only mean that I was completely and inexorably alone.
But life doesn't work like that...and so I sat in my chair crying my eyes out with snot dripping down my chin because I didn't think that I could go on if people kept going their own way and leaving me by myself. WHAT ABOUT ME?! What will I be reduced to if this keeps happening??
It's taking time to build myself up again - everyone has to do this once or twice in their life. But I know I won't be the same person when I'm done. I know beggars can't pick and choose and all, but I'm going to be a stronger person out of this all, Yep even if it kills me. Tee hee.
People aren't boxes you can label. I'm not going to make the same mistake by restricting who I am by defining myself.
I am Clarissa.
I am scared of being alone.
I love being alone.
I love myself.
Viva la Free
7 footprints:
I am alone most of the time. But at the end of the day, you will get used to it
Funny, I'm more at peace when I am alone than when I am with others. But it's a process. Think of it as becoming your own best friend.
Aloha,
/Alexandra
you're right, being along sucks.
Having been on both sides I can honestly say both are beautiful feelings and both suck. It depends on the time and place. Mostly however it depends on the thoughts inside your own head. if you think of it as beautiful then it is, and vice versa. Ya know? Regardless though, your writing about your feelings on it is really beautiful. :-)
And as a side note it would be really hard to carry all those people around with you all the time...
Thanks for visiting my blog, always happy to meet a fellow reader of FF5000 :-)
Thanks so much for visiting my blog and admiring the work of my Etsy teammates.
I don't think the people who were with us have ever really left. We leave a piece of ourselves inside everyone we ever meet and interact with just as they do with us. They may not be there to physically touch, but they are always inside us.
May you find peace in your life, Judi
@sully: Exactly! 'Cause thats how life is xD
@Alexandra: I'm trying and trying...thanks a lot for that though xD It really helped a lot
@Chickenz ma gurl: Yesh. It does dammit.
@Jenn: YEAH! Mraz girls all the wayy...and thanks for the advice you all...this really helps a lot
@Judi: Still looking but thanks...and I like to pretend that some of the people who aren't around me are still inside,and try imagining what they'd say
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