Evil things to do when feeling down

My parents used to tell me that the only thing which would make me happy was by making others happy as well.

This is not the case.

I don't know if it's just me, but recently almost everyone I know has been in the dumps. Be it break ups, no one to break up with, exams, results, jobs, you name it.

So now in honor of all the poor souls who are going through a rough tine in their lives, I'd like to dedicate this blog post to you guys and share some of my secrets to staying happy - all the time.

Evil things to do when feeling down

1. Volunteer to take the picture of some random tourist with his camera and instead of taking it, watch and wait as his smile turns more and more painful. Snap picture as soon as he frowns.

Want other ways to annoy people while on vacation?

• Put a sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times. 
• While at an amusement park, take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmatic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride. 
• Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer."
• On the plane, bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here...."  
• Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't"  

2. Walk across the street, run up to a random stranger, smack him on the shoulder saying 'tag, you're it!' and run off.

Speaking of malls, here are a bunch of other things you can do while you're at it

• :Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
• Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it’s a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, “You mean you really can’t see it?” 
• If you’re patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
• Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the “hidden picture”.
• Go into a pet shop and release all the birds, parrots etc. Screaming at the top of your voice "Be free my feathered friends"  

3. Walk into a crowded elevator holding a paper sign saying 'Temporarily out of service' and say "Hey, who do you think taped this on the door?" 

Other ways to annoy people in the elevator:

• Act like a dog, growl at people.
• Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
• Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
• Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
• Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
• Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

4. When someone comes up to talk to you (complain, rant, etc.), Say "Shhh" At every two worded interval.
To be honest, this was inspired by my sister and it was too hilarious for me not to try out.

Friend: Oh my god, you wont believe the day I had

Me: Shhh
[Awkward silence]

Friend: What? What is it?

Me: Shhhhhhhh

Friend: Okay...

[Some more silence, tee hee]
Friend: You know wha-
Me: Shhhhh!

Friend: Are you-

Me: Shhhh!

Friend: Come on!

Me: Shhhhhhhhhhh...

Friend: What IS IT?

Me: nothing I just don't like your voice
[Disclaimer: Only to be performed with close friends or people who know what an asshole you can be. www.punkchopsticks.blogspot.com is not liable for any personal injury which may or may not have incurred do to the performing of this deed]

Other annoying things to say:

• Would you look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
• My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
• The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator.
• Would you hold this messy kleenex for me?
• Wanna see my tonsils? I keep them in a jar.
• I haven't changed my underwear in over two weeks! How about you?
• The doctors say that my eighth personality is the least dangerous.
• Wow, look at that little boy in the third row!
• Can you believe they only gave me three years for killing my own sister?!

  So now that you've been enlightened, go forth my henchmen, and spread the joy!

You know what? I want to hear what YOUR ideas are for complete world annoyance. Leave an idea in the comment box, and if its hilarious, I'll put it up on the next post with credits xD

Oh yeah, and if you've finished peeing in your pants by now, head on to Bored.com for more hilarious ways to freak people out!