The Rationality of Boob Fetishes

You Will Love This Guy

Me needing to see the funny side of life

You know lah me, I don't have a single funny bone in my vertically challenged body. So being the ass lazy amateur blogger that I am, I recruited the help of Vincent (or Vin Tsen. Right? Vincent?) for some comic relief.

Everyone knows VincePhilosophy. Or at least everyone should know VincePhilosophy. Everyone, go to VincePhilosophy. That's right, I'mma promote him throughout this post because I have a crush on him.

You see, I have this thing about being a lady.

This very feminist, unamused thing about being a lady that makes me want to wear bloomers in florid, bright colors and demonstrate in the city square about women's rights. Or ride down the streets on my pony stark naked with nothing but my hair to cover my boobs.

What, you've never heard of Lady Godiva?

I take boobs very seriously. And now, well, now that's all about to change...Dammit.

Vincent: You see, since the dawn of time, mankind was endowed with this unexplained ball (pun unintended) of curiosity. Well, actually the explanation lies in between our legs but heh, that's a whole other story. Hence, men, specifically, constantly have gushes of curiosity on things that we do not own physically.

1. Point taken, but who said that boobs had to be viewed as a sexual organ? Its like, a lump of fat. Why not like, a sexy elbow, or shin, or I dunno, forehead?

The Philosopher

Vince: We don't have two lumps of fat jutting out and dangling on our chests. That is why we find boobs very intriguing because we don't have them. And men will be men, we get all orgasmic when we are given the chance to touch something that we don't have/don't own/don't get to touch often e.g. fast cars, signed football merchandises and well, boobs. Things like elbow, shin, forehead and brain, well, we have 'em too lah and that's why we don't find anything sexual about it.

2. As a guy, bigger or smaller or if you had the power to warp reality, what size?

Vince: Hmm, in my completely honest and unbiased opinion lah, average lor. Not too big, not too small. As in proportionate to your overall body size lah. All those cup-size bullshit don't play no role here. You can have an E-cup for all you care but you have an Amy Winehouse body at the same time. Major turnoff. It's like having a Kancil with 19" rims. Like how the Chinese people would say, if your head isn't that big then don't wear a cap or something like that lah. 

Boobs: So big they bend walls

 
3. You know, it isn't right to condone objectifying women

Vince: What?! You object to the objectifying of women? Hehe. Well, to be fair lah, guys are being objectified as well mah. You know, vampire dude, wolf guy, blonde singer boy. With their looks, who cares if he is an MCP in personality right? It's more of admiring a person as a whole and the boobs just came in as a bonus.

 

4. Why do you think boobs are important to women?

Vince: Boobs and it's importance. Hmm, don't you girls feed your offspring with them two milk-makers? Okay, no objectifying. Sorry.

Overall lah har, I think boobs appeal to men because it makes us wanna look at a girl from afar. Imagine everyone walking on the street sharing the same boring flat and smooth plank, where's the fun in that? I wouldn't know if you're a being of an opposite gender and naturally I might not be attracted to look at you and discover further about you. Hence, nobody will be attracted to each other anymore. Nobody will date each other dy. Nobody will get married and multiply. And the human race will eventually cease to exist.

Destroying the human race, is that what you really want?

[Vincent can be seen philosophically philophosizing at http://www.vincephilosophy.com/ ]

~*~

Right. And no. So  evidently, the verdict is in:

1. Guys like touching things they can't have,
2. I should never enter a courtroom and
3. Boobs are important to the continuity of the human race. So for all the girls and ladies out there, its never too late to start giving  your lady lumps some much needed TLC. Breast awareness month is in so if you're above your forties, don't forget to get a mammogram and conduct a BSE (Breast self exam) and you can check out a video here on how it's done.

That's right. Touch yourself and save the human race at the same time.