Broga Hill on a very Buddist Christmas Morn

It pains me to say this, but you have been deceived.

It's true. You have been misled and tricked and - although it wasn't necessarily intentional - lied to.

You see, in the last post, I put up pictures and pictures of a glamorous life where I attended blog awards and laser tag tournaments and events and won lots of cool stuff.

Because I wanted to look cool.

But the truth is, that wasn't really my life.

This is.

And it's so sad.

So I couldn't really be surprised when the going out at night with friends stopped and  the going to Buddhist camp started.

They say that you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl, which, in a way I suppose, rings true. I mean, who was I kidding? I don't drink. I don't even like drinking. But there I was, sitting like a lou sai, drinking Coke like a boss.

Give me a book. Give me a nice guy. Give me, maybe, some hot chocolate on Christmas morn.

Where were you on the big Xmas morning?

Oh, me? Shucks, you shouldn't have asked.

I was here.

Me and a total of 33 other participants of ages 12 to 17 (Yes. I was the oldest. *Sob*) attended the Nalanda's Institute Young Person's retreat on the 23rd of December. Of course, I only realized afterward that I wouldn't be spending Christmas Eve partying. But HEY, at least I didn't spend it alone. Right? Right?

Bhante Amaranatho [Our monk in charge (What else can I call him?)] being the awesome dude he was -

This is him, by the way

- decided that staying indoors was too depressing for Christmas. So we loaded ourselves onto a bus and headed to Broga Hill at after breakfast.

I'm not going to lie.

I was pretty pissed at having to do any form of exercise at that hour (This is what staying in Kuala Lumpur does to you, little kiddies). Pissed, and tired as fug.

The night before, me and the more rebellious teens had ourselves a little Christmas eve party of our own. I won't go into details, but it ended pretty late.

But then we saw this:

As we climbed higher, the trees and typical Malaysia shrubbery just fell away to this beautiful sea of long grass and cattails.


 
You don't see this kind of scenery in a tropical country everyday. You just don't

Bhante looking all mellow and monk-ish in his robes and awesome hat

If you can't spot me, I'm sorry but you're very blind.

On the way down

The night before, I was thinking about this crush I had on a guy I liked. Sort of. And it bugged me how much it bugged me (if you get what I mean).

Because I used to be happy until I met him.

Then I became even happier and even more depressed. And sucky. And the ups and the downs and the round and rounds.

What the fug man? I'm supposed to be in a Buddhist camp and all I could think of was Why hasn't he replied my text yet? Do I look like just a kid to him? Oh god, great. Now I feel ugly and stupid. Which is something a girl (Or a guy) should never think.

At the peak of the mountain, we had a short session for meditation and everyone kind of scattered off in their own directions to find a comfy spot of their own.

There is this beauty in just sitting and closing your eyes. In the sound of grass rustling one after the other like they were passing on a secret. In the ground pressing against my ass. In the wind blowing against my face and hair. The comfort and the discomfort.

That's when I finally arrived.

Even though my eyes were still closed, I could sense the people around me. They were all locked in their own world just like how I was in mine. But we were breathing the same air. Sitting on the same grass. And even though I couldn't exactly see them, I felt more connected than I ever had with anyone at that moment.

Because right then, I wasn't with anyone else.

Then I heard it, this voice. And it said I'm here

I don't know where I heard the voice from, but it was the kindest, most loving voice I'd ever hear and my heart sort of gave a jolt. That was the happiest I'd ever felt in a long time. The feeling you get when you meet an old friend, the closest of friends, after a long time. I was hugging that feeling in my heart.

I didn't have to think about the past, because really, he was in the past. Or the future. And just thinking about the fact that I didn't have to think about them was beautiful. The rest of the camp just flew by after that.

But look at me, talk about getting sappy and going off topic.

We had our own Facebook wall for posting crap

Or wisdom

Or to ask questions

We practiced for our drama (Where I had to play a blond bimbo)

Putting together pieces of the puzzle

A big hand to the facilitators who helped shut us up when we needed silence the most. (From left: Vincent, Do, Jean, Rachel and Paru.)

That night, after being blackmailed oh fine, persuaded by Alisha, I decided to call said crush just to know where we stood. He said...

Oh gosh, this is mortifying

He said no.

Nope. Nada. Neh, Next time perhaps.

It stung, of course it did. But not as much as I expected. Life goes on, I have incredible friends. And he's a really nice guy when it comes down to it.

Also, it helped that I had 12 other people listening in to the conversation (Heh heh heh. I'm a coward like that.)

*Oh yeah and if anyone's interested in joining next year's camp, you can always add Nalanda's facebook profile or Bhante Amaranatho's

Till then, Ciao!